decisions

It would seem I have a decision to make. So what's new?
The *New Thing* that we're doing instead of coffees is teaching rituals. And if no one shows up and it's just us...rituals.

Here's the deal though, there are two people on the edge of our community who may or may not want to participate and since these events will be taking place at my house I have to decide whether or not I want them here. They are a boundariless pair although not a couple. Best Friends. They were both part of my last coven. One of them lived with me for a while. They both have mental illness issues that may be years in the resolution. Especially for one since she is doing nothing about it. How do I explain my revulsion without sounding like one of my students (5 year olds). I don't want this to sound like *you can't come to my party* but I really don't want you at my party. I have spent the past year having my boundaries trampled and the only thing they seem to understand is anger and physical distance. Which we would not have if they came to the rituals. I don't wnat to hug you. I barely want to speak to you. The guy forced people to particiapte at the Lughnasadh ritual which was the last until Ostara in which we were together. I was not only appalled I was furious. I could *see* myself hurting him. Such a level of emotion! I can't even find words to express how I felt. They aren't big enough. And no outlet. I couldn't do what I WANTED to do. My internal boundaries mostly work. But forcing people to do things in ritual that they do not understand and do not want to do is not right. These were people with no experience with ecstatic ritual and no basis for understanding what he was doing. It was not in the *ritual conspiracy* and when they asked him what he was doing he told them not to worry *just go with it*. Riiight! After that I told him I did not want to be in ritual with him. I relented and said he/they were welcome at the public ritual. But this is different.
And, they did not behave themselves at the public ritual but ran away with the Elemental invocations, blah, blah, blah. I know. I sound like a baby.
But, I get hugs when I've said no, put up my hand and stepped back. Granted it wasn't a close hug, but, no means, no! I am afraid that one more boundary crossing will be the last straw. They do not understand boundaries at all. When I enforce mine they get angry, pout, and cause a scene. I deal with this at work. I do not want to deal with this from them.
Okay, I'm *living in the wreckage of the future*. They might actually behave themselves. I might give them a chance to behave themselves. But, if they can't behave at a public ritual, why do I think they would behave in this instance?
Maybe they'll think they don't need teaching rituals. One can only hope.
I feel like my boundaries are assaulted with every encounter with them and their damaged boundaries. One does the talking thing. Talks nonstop. No one can get a word in edgewise. The other...just no boundaries. Let's people walk all over himphysically, emotionally, sexually. And he does the same if he can. Oh, yes. I know them all too well. Which is why I am so scared. Scarred.
I don't want to exclude them from the community but I don't know how else to keep myself safe. Unless we state, specifically, what is okay and what is not. And I know from past experience that they will find the thing we have forgotten and use it.
Oy!